Every October I crave some sweet 70′s horror, not cause the movies were good, but because sometimes they looked good. My 70′s horror technique involves watching with the sound off and listening to top 40′s hitz instead. So, I think the plot of this movie goes something like this: mysterious 70′s lady hangs out on a beach and finds an iron rose. She’s not into it. This lady catches the eye of some dude at a party, then they hang out and run around and to go to a big graveyard. There are weird clowns and hobos and old ladies in the graveyard. The couple goes into a crypt to bang. Then they can’t find their way out of the graveyard and run around for 1/2 the movie. Then they do it on some skeletons in a pit, and then the girl locks the dude in the crypt. Then she does a lot of night ballet and runs around the graveyard, and pictures herself on the beach from the beginning, naked, and knocks over a bunch of iron crosses. She’s stoked. Then she climbs into the crypt, the end.
Also: who wants me to turn this into an American Horror Story S3 recap liveblog?